In this video I describe my tender feelings about being overweight…. very loudly.
OMG I got fat
I got fat.
When did this happen. I wasn’t here. It just happened. I was eating this cupcake and all of a sudden poof I got fat.
Why didn’t anybody tell me? You guys should have said “Hey you with the extra 10 pounds was fine but the extra 40 is a little much.”
Oh my God I got faaaaaat
Look at this. You know what they call this? It’s a muffin top. Cause it looks like a muffin top (picture of muffin top). But it actually looks like blob hanging over a car door or a big ass candledrip halfway down a candle. It’s not very attractive. I have never seen a porno mag at the 7 Eleven called “Muffin Top.” It’s not there because it’s not really considered hot.
My problem is that I can’t wear shirts tucked in. I can’t wear shirts that are slightly form fitting. That means that I can only wear about 3 shirts. And the 3 that I own are all stained. I can’t take it anymore. OMG! I got fat!
How did this happen? I’m vain. I used to wear tight vinyl black pants (show them) … for pajama bottoms. What happened? I wear these now! (show Christmas dog ones) cry, cry, cry
Even my dog got fat.
I don’t want to go on a diet. I like macaroni and cheese. I like red wine with doritos. Please don’t take it away. Okay, okay I’ll stay fat just don’t take the red wine and my doritos away. No, no, okay take them away.
I gotta get skinny.
Like this pen. Like this girl. It’s gotta happen in two weeks.
OMG! I gotta get skinny and it’s going to take forever. And I’m never going to have fun again. I’m gonna be skinny and hot but I’m going to always be hungry and I’m always going to be sore from lifting weights while doing lunges and running on the treadmill for like 7.5 hours a day.
OMG! I’m never going to be skinny and hot. I have become so used to being a chubster. I don’t care anymore. Just leave me alone with my Lane Bryant gift certificate every Christmas. You can all tell me I have a pretty face but George Clooney will never say I have a pretty face. Justin Beiber isn’t with a pumpkin head girl with a muffin top. So what! My self-esteem is in tact. It’s not like I don’t recognize my stellar qualities. But I want to look hot. I want to feel good. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to feel the way I do. I want to say I’m going to do it and do it. I want to wear a shirt tucked in with a belt.
I’ve got to go on a diet and exercise. It won’t be much fun but I’ll have cheat days to look forward to. Wish me luck.