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I weighed over 10 pounds when I was born. Other than the first day of life I was an average weight until my late 30s.

I was a skinny kid then a skinny teenager which was when I started smoking; staying in the 115-118 range; never moving into the 120s until I quit smoking at the age 24.

Then I porked to 125 lbs. I was appalled. I never got below 125 and waivered between 125 and 132 for the rest of my twenties. I was conscious of my weight. I went to gyms and dance classes. I was mostly vegetarian and ate whole foods.

When I was in my 30s I worked out with intensity and focus. I started eating more meat. My body became solid and dense. I felt strong and powerful not at all overweight. I had to watch the diet though as my weight range went from 132 to 145.

Towards the end of my 30s my life situation was deteriorating and so was my health. I started smoking again and drinking heavily. I worked out intermittently. I had very little energy to do anything other than handle what has happening in my life.  I spent day and night working at a computer and losing my mind and my sense of humor. Oh no.

At the beginning of my 40s my whole system was fried. I moved to California where I managed to overwork even more and became isolated. My weight peaked into the 180s. The range being 162 to 182.

There were occasionally months where I dieted and tried being vegan, raw vegan or detoxing. I lost a little weight during those episodes but I didn’t care and gained back the weight and then packed a little more on for good measure.

Several years ago a series of events occurred that gently woke me from a deep unhealthy sleep. I started eating healthy again. I meditated a lot, tapping into a refreshing and rich inner wisdom. I pretty much ignored the scale and focused on healing my body and mind.  It took a longtime for my energy levels to return. And only recently have I felt balanced enough to seriously tackle the weight issue. Getting heavy and staying heavy was quite an experience. I accept my chubby condition and I’m thankful that I didn’t get even heavier because I really could have. All I know is I’m going to release my fat suit with joy and celebration for as long as it takes.