Diva gained back all the weight she lost. After some necessary complaining she is back and ready to put the “heal” in “health.”
You know those dieting before and after pictures. Where the after picture looks like the before pictures super hot skinny younger sister?
But it’s not their hot younger sister. It’s a picture of them after they lost a lot of weight and toned up with exercise.
My before and after pictures are actually before and before pictures. I look exactly the same because OMG I gained the weight back.
Thankfully i didn’t lose a lot of weight it was 12 pounds but that took f o r e v e r to lose.
When did I gain the weight back? It happened behind my back. i didn’t even see it. the front of me was lighter but the back part got heavier. Then all of a sudden i was back in my big girl santa suit.
I’m going to tell you it’s pretty easy to follow the how to gain the weight back program.
There are several versions and my version is certainly not unique.
It goes like this. I go into a relapse but instead of it being a temporary replapse it lasts for several weeks.
I say “I’ll go back on the diet and exercise regimen next week” and this gave me permission to eat anything i wanted because i knew the upcoming weeks were going to be filled with depravity and doing unpleasant gym things with my body.
Here is where it goes terribly wrong. This was not the occasional cheat meal this was several cheat meals and cheat snacks and cheat entrees and cheat appetizers and cheat deserts and cheat pick me ups and cheat drinks.
It got to be that a healthy low carb meal was the cheat meal. Mix some emotionally challenging events into the how to gain the weight back recipe and i was well on my way to turn back the hands of time and return to the EXACT weight I was when I started dieting last July.
I fancy myself a lifelong student of self-help and personal growth studies. So I began peering into myself to ask the burning question “why am I fat?”
Beliefs and programs either from my family or low self-esteem; insulin resistant; not enough motivation and passion; I don’t want to change; I am afraid of change; I fear that I will someday look like a Victoria Secrets.
I have discovered some things about myself while i was in the weight loss and weight gain journeys. I have some solid clues behind the relationship i have with my body and the uniqueness of that relationship. You see it’s not like other people’s bodies. It is my body and for some reason what works for some people has not worked for me. This is not a crime. I simply need to adjust.
This time at least in the beginning my diet won’t be about cheat meals and lots and lots of exercise. It will be about healing and focusing on the “heal” in “health”. I’m tired and burnt out. Taking the warrior’s way to weight loss won’t work this time.
I see it as a journey and move forward again with more compassion and love. See you next week.